duplicity inbox | un: prince

[rosebyanyother]

"Morrigan Prince. I'm afraid I'm too busy to answer at the moment, but leave a message and I promise to respond as soon as I'm able."

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[compellingstatement]

[Jon returns his gaze to Peter and stares at him for a long moment.]

For Elias to conduct his ritual, the Archivist needed to be marked by all Fourteen of Smirke's Dread Powers. To experience them and to fear for their life in that experience. That's what all these scars I have are.

[He lifts the hand that Peter isn't holding and moves it around to different scars.] The Corruption. [A touch of the pockmarks.] The Hunt. [The slice across his throat.] The Desolation. [He wiggles his burn-scarred hand.] The Spiral and Slaughter. [He touches his shoulders where Peter would have seen larger, uglier gashes than just the pockmarks when he was painting.] I'm missing two ribs from the Flesh. The others are more... metaphysical.

What happened in that coma was my scar for the End. It was always going to be one of the hardest for him to arrange. Maybe only one step behind the Web if I hadn't come pre-marked with that to the Institute.

Surviving is what let him finish his ritual. Surviving every time is why I... why the ritual could be completed. I don't want to die, Peter, but it was selfish.

[rosebyanyother]

[Peter is normally silver-tongued but in the wake of what Jon tells him, he is uncharacteristically silent. Some of it is Jon cataloguing his scars and the explanation for their existence.


Some of it is being arrested by the use of his name. Jon is usually so very good about using the alias, even though he must understand that it's a...silly sort of stubbornness on Peter's part. So. To hear it used gives even more weight for the seriousness of Jon's words. Peter doesn't react, or if he does it's subtle. A short intake of breath that only goes halfway before he releases it again.

And then...some of it is not knowing if he has the words, the understanding to argue this. He wants to argue it, though. Finally, he settles on a question.]

Did you understand that at the time?

[It isn't an accusation. It doesn't sound like an accusation. Peter cannot imagine Jon making that conscious choice, if he had known what it would mean.]

[compellingstatement]

[He sees what Peter is doing.]

Not the extent, but I... I knew I was hurting people. My victims. The coma was when I figured out they weren't just my own nightmares. I knew that waking up meant those people would keep suffering. They'll never stop suffering. Not until I die or they do.

What's the value of a life? If you knew your life was contingent on the continued, inescapable misery of other people, would you choose to keep it?

[rosebyanyother]

[That...is an excellent question.

Peter's gaze drops to where he's still holding Jon's hand. Jon has called himself selfish for wanting to survive. Peter...doesn't like to hear someone that he has so many feelings about talking about themselves like that. But if he looks at it objectively perhaps...

It complicates matters that Peter himself can be a selfish creature. He is willing to admit that he is a selfish creature.]

I...don't know. But I know I'm happy you survived.

[Even if that survival means the pain of others. Peter is not entirely a moral man. And never claimed to be.]

[compellingstatement]

[Jon huffs a sigh and squeezes Peter's hand gently.]

Me, too. Some days.

[Not all or even most, but some.]

I'm trying to make it right where I can... just do better where I can't. Part of doing better is having a reason to be better. You've become one of them. So... thanks for that?

[rosebyanyother]

Well.

[Peter doesn't know how he feels about being thanked for this, the same what he didn't know how he felt about being thanked for not caring about Jon's asexuality. So: his tone is just a little bit light, even as he lifts his gaze and smiles a bit at Jon.]

I think I can count on one hand the times I've been someone's good influence. That's novel.

[...He squeezes back just the same.]

[compellingstatement]

I would like to keep things a little more interesting for you. I'm sure you're fully aware that I'm an incredibly boring person with an ordinary office job and all that.

[It's all got to be quite a lot and he needs something to break the tension.]

[rosebyanyother]

[It does break the tension a bit. At least, Peter chuckles and finally drops Jon's hand. Though not before he brushes his thumb over his knuckles softly and fondly.]

Yes, you're very mundane. But at least there are other reasons to like you.

[compellingstatement]

My glasses? I knew you must like them.