rosebyanyother | duplicity inbox

[Jon flinches, just at the movement toward him, then shakes his head, the movement sharp and brief.]

Not- not just now. Please.

[He doesn't want to hurt Peter's feelings, but faking that he was all right with things last time hadn't gone over terribly well. Jon's also not particularly in the headspace to be able to manage even a poor imitation of being fine.]

I, uh... [He takes a slow breath, then a sip of tea to give himself a little more time.] I want you here, but I'm not... It was one of the DualCam clones. Tim Stoker's DualCam clone. It kidnapped me, and...

[His grip tightens on the mug.]

Tim rescued me. The real Tim. He sent me back to the archives in a cab. I didn't want... I don't feel safe anywhere else. And I can't let Alessandro see me like this. I'm worried what he might do to... god only knows who he'd blame. He'd get himself in trouble.

Edited 2021-02-06 06:20 (UTC)

[Having hurt feelings is the furthest thing from Peter's mind, currently. As soon as Jon flinches, even before he says no, Peter is withdrawing his hand. Instead, he curls it around his cup of tea and listens.

At least this time it doesn't feel as intensely personal. Of course he cares about Jon being hurt, of course he's upset and worried about him. But there's no added layer of Jon lying to him, nothing that he's done to make it worse. It's good. He gets to keep his head a bit more, with much less struggle.]

I'm so sorry, Jon. [His voice is quiet, when Jon finishes.] Whatever you need from me, I'm here.

I can stay the rest of the night, if you'd like. I'd like to, in fact. You wouldn't have to entertain me, I would just....be here. [His lips quirk into the ghost of a smile.] You could put me to work, perhaps.

Y-yes, work. I'm... I'm just going to work tonight. I need to...

[He looks off toward the door, into the stacks. What does he need to do?]

Reorganize. I should reorganize. [What? What should he reorganize?] There are, um... The old numbering system. It's nonsense. We should have something else. S-something sensible. I need to renumber everything, get it into the computer. Yes, that's.

Yes.

Could you help with that?

I could. I will.

[But the way Jon falls over his words now is worrisome. Peter has to hold back the instinct to reach out. Instead, he keeps his voice very level, very even.]

Breathe, Jon.

I'll help. But you said you wanted to talk to someone. I think we should do that, too.

[He understands the need and even the benefit of having a distraction from thinking about terrible things but he also isn't about to let Jon bury them completely.]

I don't know how to talk about it.

[The words are snapped defensively. But almost immediately followed by a frustrated sigh.]

Sorry.

[Peter shouldn't be a target for his ire. Peter is here to help, just dropped everything and rushed to Jon's side.]

Could we get started with the work and then talk more? Please?

[As before, Peter is not unused to snappish, misaimed behavior. He really does appreciate, though, that Jon quickly corrects himself.

And, yes, that sounds like a good compromise. Peter nods.]

We can do that. Just tell me what you want me to do.

[Where to start?]

The high shelves. Start getting the file boxes down from the highest shelves and bring them into the spare office. I'll get the label maker and a list of files to start relabeling. I think... Year, Month, Day, a dash, the person's initials, dash, 01/02, etc for the order that Statement came in on a given day.

That makes sense, right?

[He'll pepper Peter with similar questions, looking for reassurance that the new system he's proposing is sensible, that it's something similar to anything that Peter's seen in his own life in various worlds. He'll ask after the color-coding scheme he's made, as well, to categorize the Statements by different Dread Powers.]

I have the Corruption as purple, associated with the purple mold we had in one of my Statements. I was going back and forth on whether the Eye or the Web ought to be green... What do you think?

[The past while, Jon has been a level of indecisive that Peter might not have seen before. Anxious, constantly checking, sounding less like a seasoned archivist and more like a man who has no idea what he's doing and is just making it up as he goes.]

[That indecision and second-guessing is....abundantly clear, yes. Peter sees no reason to undermine Jon's choices though, and when asked for an affirmative or negative response will absolutely choose the former. (For one thing, he barely knows anything about archives in the first place so the suggestions make as much sense to him as most other things would.) Of course, he doesn't want Jon to think he's simply humoring him and, well, yes, he's been in an archive or two. So, where Jon's suggestions match anything he's seen, he says so.

His first instinct is to say that the Eye ought to be green, if only because Jon's own eyes do....sometimes go a bit unnaturally green. But that seems...too personal.]

The Web, I think.

[He makes himself sound sure. He doesn't...have a reason, beyond 'not the Eye', but if he sounds decisive enough then Jon, in this state, will probably go along with him. He doesn't mind making this kind of decision for Jon. He'll also add:]

I think organizing them Entity is clever.

The Web. Right.

[Jon nods, pulling out a sheet of green dot stickers and making a note of the color and Entity combination. Peter calling him clever also earns a half-hearted smile.]

Thanks. It's- Honestly, it's the only way I know how to make sense of the world anymore. [A pause.] Those DualCam clones they're... Stranger. Like the Circus was.

[Peter sees - or hopes he sees, anyway - that opening for what it is and nods as he comes close to...help where he can?

At the same time, he nods.]

I can see where you would make that comparison. Especially with Tim's clone.

[Maybe that isn't exactly what Jon means, but Peter sees a connection. Kidnapping. The lack of consent, lack of bodily autonomy. It's.....understandable.]

[Jon will pass Peter the stack of stickers and indicate a pile of nearby file folders that have been recently re-labeled. He can help by putting stickers on files. Riveting admin work.]

I wanted to run away from him. [Jon's voice is a little quieter.] He rescued me from- a-and I just wanted to get away from him. None of this was Tim's fault. [He looks over at Peter, brows furrowed, seeming to try to convince him.] That clone was nothing like him. Just a twisted image of something that isn't Tim.

Edited 2021-02-23 23:41 (UTC)

[Peter doesn't mind the work. It's background to what he's really focusing on anyway, which is...Jon.

He can hear the guilt in the way Jon starts addressing the situation.]

I know, Jon. [Just to get that out of the way first, the way Jon clearly wants him to know that his friend is not the creature who attacked him.] Of course it isn't his fault. Those clones are...the worst things about all of us, taken and magnified. Tim isn't to blame for this.

But it isn't your fault that something mimicking him hurt you. It isn't your fault for not wanting or being able to face him. You might not be able to for a while, and that's alright. Just because he saved you, it doesn't mean he's owed you pushing past your own safety and comfort.

[He's not wholly focused on Jon while he talks, primarily because he doesn't think Jon would like that. But he does keep glancing up.]

And if he's any kind of friend, he wouldn't expect you to. Or want you to.

I don't know if we're friends. [There's so much off and on with them.]

He didn't try to keep me, though. He just- he called me a cab and sent me back here alone. [For which Jon is eminently grateful.] He still has a key to the Archives, though. He could come in whenever he wants to.

[A prospect that is, admittedly terrifying.]

I can't just take it away from him, though. He hasn't done anything wrong.

Yes, you can.

[Is this fair to Tim? Probably not. But Peter cares far more about Jon's peace of mind and safety than he does Tim's feelings.]

Or some other arrangement can be made so that you don't have to see him. Especially not without prior warning.

I understand you want to be fair to him and that is...admirable. But you need to be fair to yourself as well.

I'll get over it.

[It's not much of an argument, but it's all Jon really has. He knows he can learn to live with what's happened. He has every other time. Jon is aware that Peter might well protest that thinking.]

But I- I can talk to him. See about- I'll ask him to warn me before coming to the archives. I can just... work upstairs when he drops in. That should be... I can make that work. It-it's fair. To the both of us.

[Peter doesn't openly protest it this time, if only because Jon agrees to come to some solution. He does, however, sigh as soon as Jon talks about getting over it.]

Thank you. [He still doesn't care, really, about the fairness for Tim. He barely knows Tim and what little he does know is 'an asshole to non-humans'. But he can acknowledge that Jon cares. For some reason. Still, it's important to acknowledge Jon's good behavior.

...And to reinforce it, a bit. Through other means as well.]

It's not any less painful for the people who care about you when you're hurt by your own hand.

[And not setting the necessary boundaries for his self-care is definitely Jon hurting himself.]

[A different and exciting sort of guilt washes through him at Peter's words. Jon drops his gaze immediately to his label-maker, fussing with it more than he really needs to. He thinks about that last pet-play session that had gone so horribly wrong, trying to push past his boundaries and using Peter to do it.]

I'm not... trying to hurt myself. [That just happens to be how it happens sometimes.]

I know you're not.

[At least here, Peter looks over to offer Jon a bit of a smile. Which he'll keep doing until Jon looks back up at him.]

I just...I wish you'd put more stock in your own well-being, sometimes. I appreciate how....considerate you can be. [Sometimes....] In fact, it's one of the things I love about you. But not when it comes at the price of your own--

[Piece of mind, he's about to say, but decides not to. He knows Jon will only argue with him about having any piece of mind at all.]

Well. Your own well-being.

[Jon barely holds back on saying his own well-being doesn't much matter anymore. He'll just get another look or disappointed tone, he knows it. He sees Peter smiling and he knows the other man means well. He'd want Peter to take care of himself, as well.

After what's just happened, though... It's difficult. He feels his breath starting to hitch in his chest again. Jon doesn't want to start crying again. It's exhausting and he's so tired already.

Maybe he's ready. He sets the label-maker down and reaches for Peter. If he doesn't pull away, Jon will finally wrap himself around the other man, hugging fiercely.]

You're too kind to what I am.

[The words are muttered.]

[Peter absolutely does not pull away. He lets Jon draw him in, wrapping his own arms loosely around him and curling over him just a little bit. His chest heaves, just once, at the relief in being allowed to do this, to touch.

(No more than that. He does not want Jon to feel bad for not being ready before this point.)

His lips press briefly and softly to the top of Jon's forehead.]

Not from where I'm standing.

You're sitting down.

[It's a very silly argument, but Jon doesn't have a better one. He just holds tight, tries not to break down too much more than that.]

Kiss me? I can- It-it feels like I can still taste that thing.

[He's been sick and brushed his teeth more than a dozen times and still it lingers in the back of his throat somehow.]

[Peter huffs softly at the argument but doesn't make much of a response otherwise.

It hardly matters, since Jon is asking something of him. And it's a request he's all too ready to agree to.]

Of course.

[He shifts his hands to gently frame the sides of Jon's face and then leans down to brush his lips gently against his partner's. It's light to begin with, waiting to see if this is all okay.]

[Jon lets it linger as something soft, just savoring how painfully gentle it is. Peter does as he asks and nothing more, waiting for Jon to make the next move. Jon's hands grip Peter's shirt at the back, clinging as he closes his eyes and tries to let himself be in this moment, not the ones before.]

I love you.

[Simple words whispered against the other man's lips before Jon kisses him again, deeper this time.]

Love you too.

[A warm, soft murmur before Jon is kissing him again. Peter kisses back, matching whatever intensity Jon applies. And nothing more.

One of his hands slips off of Jon's cheek to thread through his hair for a moment before he begins stroking it.]

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