rosebyanyother | duplicity inbox

but you wouldn't not say it, either

[There's that sharp detective mind. Or self-doubt.]

do you even WANT to contract with me?

[Maybe Nureyev has someone else in mind. The way Jon was talking though... it sounds like he's waiting.]

I want you to be safe. I want you not to throw yourself at the mercy of strangers. I want you to be in a contract with someone who actually cares about you, who won't use you.

I'm willing for that person to be me.

That's not really an answer, Nureyev.

[It is. It's a lot of answers to questions Juno isn't even sure he asked, but--it's not the answer.]

I've made enough people miserable
and i don't want to be a pity case

This isn't about pitying you. I've never pitied you before and I don't intend to start now.

good
because i'm not sure i'd survive that from you

[any attempt at capitalizing beyond what his device does automatically has gone out the window.]

i don't want you stuck down there
i can do fuck all here but i can do this
and if you want to do it with me then
i'm game, nureyev

[This isn't how any of this was meant to go and Peter feels...a little bit trapped, to be perfectly honest. It's a silly thing to think that contracting with Juno would change anything about their relationship. He'd contracted with Jon after they started dating and it hadn't really meant anything except-

Except he and Juno aren't dating. What they are to each other is still nebulous. Closer to a definition than previously, perhaps, but definitely undefined.

One more time, he tries to squirm out of answering, knowing it's unfair even as he does it.]

I don't have to be stuck.
No matter what Jon said, I don't need saving.
If there's someone else on your mind or something else in the works, I'm not trying to get in the way of that. There's no need to do this out of a sense of honor or responsibility.

[Juno runs his thumb along the edge of his device. Maybe it's better he didn't go looking for Nureyev, or call him. At least if he has to type, he has to think a little harder about what he's saying. What he wants to say.

Even if Nureyev is being evasive, Juno can't really blame him. Not exactly a lot of places to escape here.]

I want you, Nureyev.
I want you more than anyone in this place
or anyone in the last 20 years

[Somehow it is more terrifying to type that than say it out loud. Maybe because he has to read it and wait until there's some kind of response. It's harder to fill the silence when the silence is text. It's easier to be confessional if he thinks his life is ending. But Peter deserves better than that.]

you didn't answer that other part

[Yeah, he noticed.]

[Juno will have to wait a probably torturous few long minutes because Peter is reading his words and rereading them.

This isn't...this isn't what he meant to have happen at all. The trapped feeling has eased a little, but it's hard to be sure because there's a tightness in his throat. Even Juno's would-be deathbed (death-tomb) confessional had not been exactly this.

He stares and stares and thinks. It's strange, feeling giddy and guilty at the same time. 'I want you more than anyone in this place or anyone in the last 20 years', and Peter...Peter can't say the same anymore. Or can he? Yes, he supposes he can. He knows that if Juno wanted him and wanted them to be exclusive, he would do that. He wouldn't STOP wanting Jon....not at first. But he does want Juno more. By small margin, but more.

And Jon. There's a fear that things might actually change if he signs with Juno. It's irrational, probably, but it's there. He doesn't want to lose that...

But oh. Juno. The wait drags. And then an answer comes, swiftly and with no dithering, no protracted dots.]

Meet me at the elevators. I'll come up to you.

on my way

[Juno... runs. He remembers to put his phone in his pocket and get his shoes on, but then he's out the door and down the stairs. This is stupid. He absolutely doesn't need to run through the city like there's a chance Peter will change his mind by the time his long elevator ride is over, but--maybe he will.

Nureyev's been here for three years and his life has moved on and that's fine. That's how it should be, right? Juno left him. He had no reason to hold on to any of those feelings but.. they're there, aren't they? The hope he felt in the winter when that door cracked open. He's fucked up. Juno knows he's fucked up and he's probably going to do it again but he wants to be better. He's going to be better.

And if he can't be, then there's no reason that Nureyev should waste his breath or another second of his time.

So Juno isn't going to keep him waiting.

And... maybe he's really winded by the time he gets to the elevators.]

[The truth is that Juno probably doesn't have to run. It will take Peter longer to get through the checkpoint - uncontracted submissive that he now is - then it will take for Juno to get there and wait.

So of course, what Peter actually sees when he finally clears it - promising that the guards will see him walk straight to a Dominant and trusting Juno to be there - is...Juno, winded. But probably not as winded as he could be.

Still. Enough that Peter understands the urgency of his getting here and that...that sparks something warm in his chest. Warm and worried. He stops in front of Juno, and there are words on his lips almost immediately.]

I want to contract with you.

[That might not have been entirely true this morning or when their conversation started. But it's true now. He wants Juno, wants him like this.]

Oh, good, [he says, still breathless but recovering.] 'Cause I think I just had a heart attack or threw out my knee.

[Both exaggerations that should sound familiar, because Juno is looking at Nureyev like he's everything. If he collapses right here, it's all worth it because he'd be dropping at Peter Nureyev's feet and he doesn't want to be anywhere else. He stands up straighter, trying to recover a few scraps of dignity (something he's also willing to sacrifice at the alter of Peter Nureyev's affection).

And then he reaches up to cradle Nureyev's face and he leans up--and pauses, just a few inches from the man's mouth (maybe more if he resists leaning down).]

Can I kiss you? I really want to kiss you.

[Peter doesn't resist leaning down in the least. In fact, he doesn't actually answer that question with words at all, closing the gap all on his own to capture Juno's lips in a fierce kiss.

His hand goes to the small of Juno's back, supporting him but also holding him close. And he kisses him like there's nothing he wants to do more.]

[This isn't the first time they've kissed since Juno got here, but it feels like it. Juno sighs, he closes his eyes, and he slides his arm around Peter's shoulder's as a perfect hand presses against his back. He feels like he could be the center of Nureyev's galaxy and maybe he won't stay there forever, but right this second it's the best damn place to be.

He leans into it with the same ferocity, up on the balls of his feet if he needs to be just to make sure there isn't an inch of space between them. He should've said all this months ago. Every single word of it and more. Nureyev deserved to hear it back then but he was too damn afraid to even whisper it. Too afraid of losing what he wasn't sure he even had.

When they finally break apart to breathe, Juno stays close and keeps his head tipped up.]

Hi.

[Do better, Steel.]

Want to come back to my place? We can uh... discuss terms?

[He can't decide if he's making a pass or making a chaste, business-oriented suggestion, but either way the hope in his voice sounds painfully obvious.]

[All things told, that first response isn't awful either. Peter laughs as Juno says it, because it isn't as if they'd taken the time to do proper greetings anyway.]

Hello. [He responds, before stealing another peck and only then nodding at the proposal.] Yes, let's do that.

[Peter reaches out with his free hand to find and clasp Juno's...and then almost giddily brings it up to his lips to kiss.]

[Juno doesn't hesitate to take Peter's hand as it slides against his. And he realizes he probably has a goofy, dazed smile on his face as Nureyev kisses his hand like that, gallant and perfect and so completely himself that it makes Juno's chest ache. He doesn't get how Nureyev makes him feel so damn gaga, but he does.]

Sure know how to make a lady feel special, [he murmurs. Juno pulls Peter into another kiss, because he can, because he wants to, because it's amazing to think that maybe he can kiss Peter whenever he wants.

But maybe right in front of the elevator with half a dozen SIN guards standing around is not the best place. He lightly tugs Nureyev's hand, then walks beside him as they walk the no-doubt familiar route back to the city-provided apartments. Juno holds Peter's hand the whole time, if he lets him.

He feels like he should talk. Like he should fill this giddy silence in case the other shoe is still in the air, but he also doesn't want to. He doesn't want to drag this feeling down.

The apartment is quiet when they get there and Juno has to turn lights on as they walk in - they're definitely alone.]

[Peter is absolutely content to hold Juno's hand the whole time that they walk. He also lets the silence hang but occasionally squeezes Juno's hand, smiling at him each time he does.

They really do have to talk about their contract but as soon as they're inside the door and it's clear that they're alone, Peter drops Juno's hand and presses him back against the nearest solid surface to kiss him deeply. They've been together a handful of times since Juno arrived, but it hasn't felt like this.

They need to talk. But they also need to celebrate, and Peter likes this method of celebrating.]

[They should definitely talk. They should talk about a contract, they should talk about them, maybe. But they don't get that far before Peter's pushed him up against the edge of a table and he's kissing Juno in a way that makes Juno want to swoon. And he likes to think he's not a swooner. But for Peter Nureyev? He could be.

His hand slides over the back of Peter's neck, holding gently despite the urgency he kisses back with. His lips part at the slightest hint from Nureyev and Juno never wants to stop kissing him. It's not like this is new. They've kissed. They've had sex before this. But it's different, right? It has to be different.

And goddamn he is so happy to celebrate.

Juno breaks the kiss enough that they can both breath, but he doesn't go far. He can't help the probably stupid grin that's brightening across his face.]

Don't waste time, huh?

[Yeah he's definitely saying this as he's trying to figure out to get Nureyev out of his clothes.]

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