rosebyanyother | duplicity inbox

good
because i'm not sure i'd survive that from you

[any attempt at capitalizing beyond what his device does automatically has gone out the window.]

i don't want you stuck down there
i can do fuck all here but i can do this
and if you want to do it with me then
i'm game, nureyev

[This isn't how any of this was meant to go and Peter feels...a little bit trapped, to be perfectly honest. It's a silly thing to think that contracting with Juno would change anything about their relationship. He'd contracted with Jon after they started dating and it hadn't really meant anything except-

Except he and Juno aren't dating. What they are to each other is still nebulous. Closer to a definition than previously, perhaps, but definitely undefined.

One more time, he tries to squirm out of answering, knowing it's unfair even as he does it.]

I don't have to be stuck.
No matter what Jon said, I don't need saving.
If there's someone else on your mind or something else in the works, I'm not trying to get in the way of that. There's no need to do this out of a sense of honor or responsibility.

[Juno runs his thumb along the edge of his device. Maybe it's better he didn't go looking for Nureyev, or call him. At least if he has to type, he has to think a little harder about what he's saying. What he wants to say.

Even if Nureyev is being evasive, Juno can't really blame him. Not exactly a lot of places to escape here.]

I want you, Nureyev.
I want you more than anyone in this place
or anyone in the last 20 years

[Somehow it is more terrifying to type that than say it out loud. Maybe because he has to read it and wait until there's some kind of response. It's harder to fill the silence when the silence is text. It's easier to be confessional if he thinks his life is ending. But Peter deserves better than that.]

you didn't answer that other part

[Yeah, he noticed.]

[Juno will have to wait a probably torturous few long minutes because Peter is reading his words and rereading them.

This isn't...this isn't what he meant to have happen at all. The trapped feeling has eased a little, but it's hard to be sure because there's a tightness in his throat. Even Juno's would-be deathbed (death-tomb) confessional had not been exactly this.

He stares and stares and thinks. It's strange, feeling giddy and guilty at the same time. 'I want you more than anyone in this place or anyone in the last 20 years', and Peter...Peter can't say the same anymore. Or can he? Yes, he supposes he can. He knows that if Juno wanted him and wanted them to be exclusive, he would do that. He wouldn't STOP wanting Jon....not at first. But he does want Juno more. By small margin, but more.

And Jon. There's a fear that things might actually change if he signs with Juno. It's irrational, probably, but it's there. He doesn't want to lose that...

But oh. Juno. The wait drags. And then an answer comes, swiftly and with no dithering, no protracted dots.]

Meet me at the elevators. I'll come up to you.

on my way

[Juno... runs. He remembers to put his phone in his pocket and get his shoes on, but then he's out the door and down the stairs. This is stupid. He absolutely doesn't need to run through the city like there's a chance Peter will change his mind by the time his long elevator ride is over, but--maybe he will.

Nureyev's been here for three years and his life has moved on and that's fine. That's how it should be, right? Juno left him. He had no reason to hold on to any of those feelings but.. they're there, aren't they? The hope he felt in the winter when that door cracked open. He's fucked up. Juno knows he's fucked up and he's probably going to do it again but he wants to be better. He's going to be better.

And if he can't be, then there's no reason that Nureyev should waste his breath or another second of his time.

So Juno isn't going to keep him waiting.

And... maybe he's really winded by the time he gets to the elevators.]

You have other qualities.
Besides, you're not always unsociable either.

Yes, well.
In any case.
I'm open to meeting people you like if it comes up in the future.

It's logical. [Peter agrees, of the first point. Honestly, his honor probably SHOULD be in question. It's only been very recently that he's worked with any partners at all or at least cared about leaving them behind.]

At the very least, I can rule out a building or two. Did you have a particular time in mind to strike? The last two operations I was involved in were timed around Tumenalia so as to avoid consequences but I do wonder if that led to our not finding as much as we could.

Hmm...[That was a thought, he hadn't considered even using Tumenalia that way when half the time it seemed no one was in their right minds for it.]

I'd rather avoid hinging anything on the actual week. I know I just missed this last year's, but the one before, one I attended did its shaking. I don't want to try this while someone's not fully in it.

That said...a big celebration like that's bound ot have preparations and the crunch of deadlines needing met. Just before might be helpful. Near-round the time new people get brought in. Might be less likely to get noticed in the orderly chaos of party planning.

I'll let you know.
And it will be one-on-one, I promise. Well. Two, but you know what I mean.

[The truth is that Juno probably doesn't have to run. It will take Peter longer to get through the checkpoint - uncontracted submissive that he now is - then it will take for Juno to get there and wait.

So of course, what Peter actually sees when he finally clears it - promising that the guards will see him walk straight to a Dominant and trusting Juno to be there - is...Juno, winded. But probably not as winded as he could be.

Still. Enough that Peter understands the urgency of his getting here and that...that sparks something warm in his chest. Warm and worried. He stops in front of Juno, and there are words on his lips almost immediately.]

I want to contract with you.

[That might not have been entirely true this morning or when their conversation started. But it's true now. He wants Juno, wants him like this.]

Oh, good, [he says, still breathless but recovering.] 'Cause I think I just had a heart attack or threw out my knee.

[Both exaggerations that should sound familiar, because Juno is looking at Nureyev like he's everything. If he collapses right here, it's all worth it because he'd be dropping at Peter Nureyev's feet and he doesn't want to be anywhere else. He stands up straighter, trying to recover a few scraps of dignity (something he's also willing to sacrifice at the alter of Peter Nureyev's affection).

And then he reaches up to cradle Nureyev's face and he leans up--and pauses, just a few inches from the man's mouth (maybe more if he resists leaning down).]

Can I kiss you? I really want to kiss you.

[Peter actually looks impressed by that answer, nodding when Chris lays out his reasoning.]

That's a very good idea.

[He'd never actually been a part of the planning process for the last two jobs he did, merely someone brought on to do the work.]

And they're much more likely to have valuable information to steal if they don't think anyone is going to break in at that time.

[He smiles, something slightly sharp and promising a bit of trouble with that thought.]

Oh, sure, a file box put aside, records moved temporarily. People are people and they make mistakes.

He has a thought, then that causes the smile to fade into an expression of consideration.]

I wonder...if we're doing this just afore Tumenalia, that's truly just afore when there's occasion to see some switching designations, yes? Typically, anyway, seems to happen most often in summer and winter. For all the files to vanish or switch over, that has to take time. Wonder if we might stumble across a list somewhere while we're at it. Mabe some light on the decision process.

[His fingers come up to brush against his jaw, but he shakes his head.]

It's not so much a priority over the rest we'll be looking for, but something to keep in thought, maybe.

[Peter doesn't resist leaning down in the least. In fact, he doesn't actually answer that question with words at all, closing the gap all on his own to capture Juno's lips in a fierce kiss.

His hand goes to the small of Juno's back, supporting him but also holding him close. And he kisses him like there's nothing he wants to do more.]

[This isn't the first time they've kissed since Juno got here, but it feels like it. Juno sighs, he closes his eyes, and he slides his arm around Peter's shoulder's as a perfect hand presses against his back. He feels like he could be the center of Nureyev's galaxy and maybe he won't stay there forever, but right this second it's the best damn place to be.

He leans into it with the same ferocity, up on the balls of his feet if he needs to be just to make sure there isn't an inch of space between them. He should've said all this months ago. Every single word of it and more. Nureyev deserved to hear it back then but he was too damn afraid to even whisper it. Too afraid of losing what he wasn't sure he even had.

When they finally break apart to breathe, Juno stays close and keeps his head tipped up.]

Hi.

[Do better, Steel.]

Want to come back to my place? We can uh... discuss terms?

[He can't decide if he's making a pass or making a chaste, business-oriented suggestion, but either way the hope in his voice sounds painfully obvious.]

toplevel here

(from here)

Oh, I'm absolutely sure you're not wrong.
I'm sorry you've been hurt by this.

(from here)

[It's a very sweet sentiment, all of what Huaisang says, but it doesn't hit Peter quite right. These aren't words he necessarily needs to hear.
He smiles a bit, kindly, but shakes his head as well.]

Believe me, I have no issue with reinventing myself. It isn't that I dislike the name Peter Nureyev or the person it represents. It's...special, really, in a way. That's what I meant when I said I'd let you use it, if the circumstances were different. A privilege, not something I'd be reluctant about.

[Every expression of sympathy just feels like it wounds him more. Like he can suppress it as long as no one acknowledges that maybe he has a right to be hurt. Then again, doesn't that just mean the hurt is there already, and he's just masking it?]

[Maybe.]

Thanks. i'm fine

[All things told, that first response isn't awful either. Peter laughs as Juno says it, because it isn't as if they'd taken the time to do proper greetings anyway.]

Hello. [He responds, before stealing another peck and only then nodding at the proposal.] Yes, let's do that.

[Peter reaches out with his free hand to find and clasp Juno's...and then almost giddily brings it up to his lips to kiss.]

If the circumstances were different. So I'm definitely still calling you Morrigan, right? [He doesn't mind in the least no matter which way Morrigan decides. He only wants to make sure he's using the name that makes his friend most comfortable.]

(from here)

Thank you. Though I doubt I'd consider entering a relationship with anyone you truly hated.

And if I did end up in one with Huiasang, I think you'd probably end up standing a better chance of getting along with him than Juno honestly.

I can't see you liking anyone I truly hate in the first place.
But for the record:
- Belial
- Rip Van Winkle
- Quentin Beck
- The Chevalier

I can tolerate most other people. Even Juno. Even if he's an ass.

Of course. Why should you be anything else?

[That may read as sarcasm over text, but Peter genuinely means it. (He doesn't really believe it, but that's different.)]

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